Whining: a parent’s nightmare.  At least that’s how it always affected me.  So I came up with a wonderful system to stop the “whinies”.  

Here’s what you need:  
1) A portable small jar or container that makes a good “clunking” sound when a marble is dropped into it (a baby food jar works great).  You must be able to carry this with you at all times.  
2) Marbles.  The number varies depending on what you decide is an acceptable number of “oops” before your child reaches the limit for the day.  
3) Determine what your child values most and would hate to give up.

Here’s how it works:  You know you want your three year old to stop whining. You know he loves story-time and would hate to miss it.  Since you are just starting out with this “training”, you decide that you need five marbles.  That allows for four “oops” and the final marble with consequences.  The goal is to help your child 1) realize what whining is 2) realize when they are whining 3) develop the ability to control that behavior.

Now, you have your empty jar and five marbles with you (at all times, remember?).  You have explained to “Mary” that you have a new “game”. The two of you play it all day long.  Whenever Mary is caught “whining” one marble goes into the jar.  You win the game by having less than five marbles in the jar at the end of the day.  (What she “wins” is up to you but in this scenario she would get an extra story at story-time.  But the reward is up to you.) Then you explain that if she has five marbles in the jar at the end of the day she loses story-time (or whatever you have decided that means something to her).

The Plan in Action:  “Jimmy” whines about the breakfast.  Don’t say a word, immediately (this is crucial) take out the jar and silently (this is critical, don’t say a thing) drop one marble into the jar—“clank”. (Dropping the marble from about 8” above the jar helps the “clank” sound better.) Of course, it has to be within Jimmy’s earshot.  And carry on with your meal.

Later, as you are walking to the store, “Jimmy” begins to whine about his legs.  Immediately take out the jar and silently drop one marble into the jar—“clank”.  Jimmy now sees that he has two marbles in the jar and is figuring out what just happened.

This continues throughout the day.  Hopefully you don’t reach the five marble limit too early.  If you do, you may need to add a few more for your child to understand the concept and not to be discouraged; but I have found that five marbles seem to work nicely.

The Reward: At the end of the day you and “Mary” or “Jimmy” look at the jar and count out the marbles.  Less than five gets a huge hug and lots of verbal praise for succeeding/winning the game today. Five or more (depending on if you had to give a little) and they have their favorite thing or activity removed for a day. If you are using story-time, that’s easy, no story-time tonight or an extra story tonight.  The game is over for the day.  Empty out the jar and remind your child that they get to play again tomorrow.  New day; new game.  No matter how your child did that day, be encouraging about the next day.  If they “lost”, tell them that you know how hard they tried and that they will do better tomorrow.  If they “won” then try for two days in a row.  You can even create a second reward for not whining for the week.  

The best part of this whole system is that you stop nagging your child about whining.  You don’t need to say a thing; they get the message loud and clear.  It takes the stress out of the whole situation.  You are being proactive in curbing the behavior.  “Mary” or “Jimmy” is learning to take responsibility for their behavior.  It’s a win/win all the way around.  Good luck!  And, please let me know how you were able to use this system.  I love to hear about your stories.